Feeling LOST & The Bumpy Little RIDE!
It has been a rather odd and difficult time in my life lately, that I will certainly have to admit. I've worked hard to hide it but i really cannot and it isn't my style anyway. This has been mainly as a result of some rather big and imposing changes that have happened to K in her life and in turn have impacted me and my own life as well. The last 11 months have felt a bit "lost" almost to me because I have wrapped all of my life's energy so much around working Kim's situation that as a result, my own life has felt unsatisfying...almost like it has been on hold.
I'm not saying that I am upset or against that has gone down this way, it may have been exactly what I needed to do to support her in this major life endeavor of hers. But even if that is the case...I still feel as if I have lost something this last year that I cannot ever get back and may indeed have difficulty recovering from. That truly is my fear...can I get my MOJO back? Only time will tell...
That is my concern...I have focused so much of my life solely for the benefit of "US" that I have lost some of myself along the way. I know, folks will say "Thom, that's what happens in relationships,two people combine to become one....but I beg to differ that losing an important piece of one's self along the way is a necessary part of the process of 2 becoming 1.
When I speak of losing myself, it is not the same thing as compromising a point in a discussion. No this is part of who I am somehow not being there anymore and as a result I feel incomplete...LOST.
I have been super reluctant to write this post because it will be easy for people to misinterpret what I mean. Because I myself am having a really hard time understanding exactly what is happening to me as well. I don't want to over-react or jump to any un-necessary conclusions here...there are peoples emotions and feelings involved and since it is unclear what this means I want to tread carefully.
But I have been so incredibly LETHARGIC lately...not just physically in my life but even what I write here has been impacted and the subject matter has reflected the confusion and instability I am feeling.
So I am not entirely sure as of yet but something isn't balanced and is beginning to rub...the ride of life is getting rough and I must get to the bottom of it.
Stay tuned for more...
Photo: Kathy Tomson