No throwing verbal or written fire-bombs today...I really don't want to start any fights. I have not slept so I can't distinguish if this is Yesterday, Today or Tomorrow. Yet I sense whatever day or time it is that I have involuntarily gone into Information Over-load Prevention Lock-Down to keep the Sanity Train safely upright and on the tracks.
Translation: After all of the election week Information and Image overload, combined with the very real pressure of the issues confronting K-Sue and myself, the sudden illness of a dear friend and some real concern about a family members well being....
Add to that the darn difficulty of just being ME and living with this messed up-mucked up BRAIN and my multitude of health Issues and PAIN...I can end up dancing on the RAZOR'S EDGE between the real and the imagined. Particularly when one adds in the fact that I CANNOT FREAKING SLEEP these days and I end up feeling much like a ticking human time-bomb.
The saving grace in all of this and this is the TRUE difference maker: In spite of experiencing all that I just described...I have not once, for even a Nano-Second thought, considered or felt like taking a drink or using drugs. Honestly not one single time. That my friends is a real, honest to goodness MIRACLE and those who knew the "OLD ME" will attest to that.
When people question my turning toward Faith and a belief in Following God this is all the answer that I need to provide. I tried for more then 30 years to quell or quiet those addiction Demon's and it was not until I sought DIVINE help did I begin to have a hair of a hope for recovery. And that recovery is an occasionally precarious thing sometimes though more often then not I am certain of success IF I keep my eye focused constantly on the Lord.
I was a major skeptic folks...I mocked the idea of Jesus or a reliance on spiritual MUMBO-JUMBO. But the facts are facts...the only reason that I didn not die at my own hand, a hopeless pathetic drunken, addict was the direct intervention of God. There simply isn't any other explanation. And honestly...i used to feel that had to defend my belief or God himself somehow when people ridiculed that notion but today I could care less what people say...because I have a life that is so much fuller and brighter then I ever could have imagined.
And that is ultimately what matters and what carries me through when I am dancing delicately along the Razor's Edge, when LIFE gets a wee bit HAIRY....during times like these.