Bad to Good to Bad...

Last weekend was so incredibly awesome.  It was beautiful, sunshiny weather.  Friday after work a couple of girlfriends stopped by for a couple of beers.  Saturday Steve and I took the kids to White Rock to the beach to show Ruby the ocean because she had been asking questions about it.  I took  some absolutely gorgeous pictures.  We ate fish and chips outside on a patio and Steve and I enjoyed a beer together.  We stopped for ice cream cones before heading home where everyone had a nice long nap.  Sunday my parents asked to have the kids overnight and I had a day to recharge and get a bunch done in my house and then a quiet evening on the couch with Steve on Sunday night - we never do that!

Monday was a holiday and I felt really calm and refreshed heading into work on Tuesday.

I was at work for about an hour on Tuesday when I felt all that happy, zen draining from me.  All week I kept meaning to write a post about how great my long weekend was and how I felt like I had turned a corner after all the stress of the previous weeks, and I was proud of myself for how I handled things.  However as the week progressed, each day I felt less and less well (and less and less interested in writing a post).  I'm not sure if my body wasn't quite as recovered from the hit of stress as I thought it was but I got totally sucker punched by "the reason". (Which was four days late - talk about a complete mind fuck).  My mental and physical health went for a total shit and it spiralled from there.

My rotten feelings and moodiness stretched into this weekend despite my (weak) attempts to conquer it.  I was uncomfortable - in actual physical discomfort (sore back, stomach ache and a terribly achey body) and my mental health was fucked.  Friday night I woke in the middle night after having a vivid dream that I was extremely ill.  All weekend I was tired and sketched out, anxious and miserable.  I would have crawled right out of my skin if I could have somehow done that.

Parenting was a complete struggle. I couldn't click with my kids all weekend.  Not sure if they sensed I wasn't right and cranked up the bullshit or if I just sucked really bad at being a mom.  Either way, there is no mother of the year award heading my way based on my performance over the past few days.

I won't get into how my relationship with my husband was all weekend (mostly because I'm not allowed.)

On Sunday the damn broke at least 3 times before noon and each time I was a sobbing, snotty faced, emotional mess.

I really did not see all of this coming and I'm still not 100% sure why it happened but I'm sure ready to move out of it.  I need to get through it, it's been awful.

I'm going to turn to my usual sources of healing - getting outside, getting the house in order, exercise, writing, time with the kids (when we're not all yelling and crying), early to bed (hopefully).  And I will hope and pray that tomorrow is the start of a fresh, healthy, happy new week.