At WIT'S END


Though it is true that over the years I have been able faced with many obstacles, a great deal of those so overwhelming that I never thought I would survive the experience with my life or at least with my sanity intact. I can honestly say the more I have dealt with things the MORE difficult it becomes..not less difficult. Because one never gets used to certain kinds of adversity.

There have been certain moments in my life of recovery when I have been faced with so much stress, so many difficult and near impossible challenges that I thought I was loosing my mind. I felt that way yesterday and it was my birthday. Only I had no idea what was coming. Today I have been hit with news so discouraging and disappointing that I honestly feeling like throwing in the towel. I'm not kidding.

This news concerning someone I care about very much combined with the medical issues I struggle with, particularly my neuropathy and the nerve damage in my back had me wishing once again, for the first time in years that this life of mine would just END. No I am not suicidal and please don't mistake that desire for permanent relief as such but it is a terribly desperate way to feel.

All I can do here is fall back on FAITH...I have no other choice. Perhaps I will feel differently in time but the intensity of the situation combined with the extreme emotion is literally wiping me out..