I have settled in to this lifestyle a little bit more this week. The wild emotions have tamed a bit and I'm much more level. I'm also not feeling quite so tired and getting really great sleep at night.
Unfortunately I did have a bit of a rough week dealing with some personal issues. It didn't affect anything that I ate (meaning I didn't fuck up) but it made me realize that I do use food and drinks as a crutch when things are hard. When you're feeling a bit beat down and having a hard time, having a drink or a treat is definitely something that would help me along. I abstained (other than an *apple with almond butter - which I actually regretted because I ate it for the wrong reasons) but I feel like I have had a harder time pulling myself out of the situation and how it made me feel.
On that note I am totally alone in this Whole30 journey and I have actually been feeling lonesome. (I struggle to explain this feeling other than to say that this lifestyle can be a bit isolating.) Anyone in this house besides myself who happens to eat Whole30 approved foods only does it because I am the sole cook in the house and the food I cook tastes good. But when push comes to shove and a beverage (or several) is offered, they are quickly consumed (by someone else, not me - to be clear). That's fine, this gig certainly isn't for everyone, but I just wish there was a little more support in the form of kind words or expressions of caring or time spent together doing something, anything.
On the topic of food, I hauled out my crockpot and used it several times this week. What an ass saver that is! This past week I cooked meals while I slept! It doesn't get much easier than that!
I also order and received Melissa Joulwan's cookbook, "Well Fed". I paid and arm and bloody leg for it since it isn't sold in Canada and also because I'm impatient and I wanted it ASAP. I had heard so many good things about this cookbook and it did not disappoint. Have tried a couple things already and am pleased. This is my current before-bed reading material right now! I can't wait to try so many other things from this book.
In other exciting news, I found GRASS FED beef at my LOCAL butcher! I actually yelled in the store, to the butcher "YOU HAVE GRASS FED BEEF!??" when I saw it. He seemed impressed that I knew anything about it at all. Granted, it is imported from Australia and not locally sourced but it's all I can get so I'll happily take it. Also not overly expensive. I got 4 decent sized steaks for under $18. Less than $4.50 per grass-fed steak is a pretty decent price. They also carry organic ground beef and chicken, all at a reasonable price. Guess where I'll be meat shopping in the future?
Shannon and I did a taste test of it during our lunch break on Friday and we were both unsure. It's a slightly different taste than soy sauce for sure. We both wondered if it would be better when used in a recipe. I am happy to report that it works beautifully in place of soy sauce in recipes. Actually gives food a nice flavour. I had to hunt this down in a "specially/health food" store and it was nearly $8 a bottle. Good thing I saved on the steaks. By chance, at that same store I found some Whole30 approved Chorizo sausages which I made into a delicious dinner with prawns and a "rose" sauce over spaghetti squash. I have definitely been enjoying the food I've been making/eating. However I have noticed several times this week I have been unable to finish my meals. I haven't increased my portion sizes but have been finding I am done eating before my plate is empty.
I as I mentioned in a previous post this week, I let go of my gym routine - right now I just can't make it work and so I am going back to running. It's more enjoyable for me right now, it's outside, there's greenery and fresh air and it's time efficient. I ran 14km this past week. 10 of which were awesome and 4 of which were hot, hard, tiring and total shit. I know I didn't fuel properly for the "bad" 4km and I need to work on that. I can't just bust out the door with no fuel in me and expect to pull off a 5km run like I maybe could when I was eating processed carbs.
On a positive note, I have found that the negative self talk has quieted quite a bit. I am not sure what the final results will be at the end of my Whole30 (as far as weight goes) but there is something about knowing that you are doing absolutely everything right for your body that makes you more accepting of yourself. If my extra weight doesn't start to come off after eating this way for 30 days (and beyond) then there is nothing more I can do. I will have no choice but to accept myself as I am because I couldn't do things more right than I am right now. That's a somewhat comforting feeling.
On a note of self care, I had been hoarding a gift certificate for the spa (from my birthday in April) and used it on Saturday with my girlfriend. (Thank you, Lori!) I had the most relaxing facial and pedicure. It felt so wonderful to do this. It was peaceful and a big treat and also nice to spend time and have some laughs with a friend. The tough part came when I was offered a glass of wine with my pedicure. I turned it down without a second thought but it really would have added to the pleasure of my experience. I think perhaps once I am done Whole30 I should reward myself by going back to the spa for a treatment and say yes to that glass of wine - what do you think??
Now, on to week 3!
*Just realized that I ate an apple with almond butter as a snack three times this week. DANGER! DANGER! I know I was eating those for the wrong reasons and I will put a stop to it immediately.