Carrying The FULL Load

Regular readers of this blog will know that I have just recently started re-posting some of the more significant posts from the past. The last day or so saw me re-post two very significant pieces of my personal puzzle and they concerned forgiving the three men who sexually assaulted me as a boy. It was probably one of the most significant acts of my life and because of it I have been able to move on with life and learn how to live again.

So 11 months later how am I faring as far as moving on with my life? Have I been able to continue in that mode of forgiveness?

Well the answer is yes and no. I would be less then honest if I didn't admit that there have been moments when the old anger and hate have slipped back into my life but for the most part it has gone well.

Carrying a full load of HATE and vengeance around had taken it's toll and I still recognize the difference in how I feel day to day. I did not recognize it but I was like a caged animal, obsessed with revenge and escape...but no more.

I think the hardest part of the struggle is that there are people, places, situations, TV shows, magazine articles, etc that touch on this subject and it dredges it all bask up again. The hardest part is that entirely out of the blue this topic can appear and with it come all the ghosts that go along with it for                                                                                                                                                  me and that is something I have to just get used to and I will over time.