My Complex Life!
Man it's getting kind of late and I have had one of those days that for no real reason I can think of just hasn't felt very rewarding or productive though I had quite a bit going on and accomplished what I needed to for today.
I really think that in the back of my mind or deep in my sub-conscious, I still crave that adrenaline I used to get from such a chaotic lifestyle and that perhaps I was even somewhat attracted or addicted to the pain and distress it caused. Yea...this is one of those subjects or comments that only an addict/alcoholic would have a chance at relating to or understanding because let's face it: the basic idea of it is NUTS! You would have had to experience it...to understand it.
I'll admit it...but I think there was something about the unpredictable partying, where you didn't know where you were going to end up at the end of the night or know what you'd be doing...well other then drinking and drugging quite HARD.
I think that is why I occasionally have these "sinking spells" as my Grandmother would call them...I think what they really are is some funky little form of The Black Dog...in other words: Depression. I can get down a little bit, probably from that feeling in the back of my mind where I think I miss the excitement from that past life. But to do so I conveniently forget the real trouble, pain and heartache and just recall the fun stuff or at least the goofy, sloppy, hot summer beer drinking fun and forget how awful I really felt inside!
Now that I can put it in perspective today...that sort of thing does not really bother as much as it did but there are rare times like tonight, where life just feels less satisfying then I want it to be. That I know now is a fluke and I just let 'er pass on by.
In all honesty...the biggest issue tonight is my phone App for Golf Logix Golf GPS isn't working right for my golf course of choice and I am bummed because it's worthless for me at this point. So what do I do, get another App? See how terribly difficult and complex my life has gotten, jeez....what a man to do!!