My boobs are bigger and my underwear keeps riding the crack of my ass.
There is only one reason for this – I have gained weight.
I stopped strictly following Weight Watchers last July. I’ve been able to maintain my weight loss by watching what I eat and exercising regularly. Until I stopped doing that. The past month has been a crazy one and I let go of any and all discipline over myself – partially because for the love of God, I can only do so much!!!! And partially because I knew January was coming.
I’m all about the fresh start in January.
2011 has been a very difficult year. In fact I do not have memory of a year with quite so many setbacks, sadness and demise. I’m not saying there hasn’t been a year this bad before, but if there has I have mentally blocked it out. I’m ready for it to be over. It is hanging on and socking it to me right up to the final days. I’m ready for the dark cloud to blow the fuck away. I'm going to turn over a new leaf.
I have a plan in place, in my head, of the things that are going to happen when the clock strikes 12 on January 1st, 2012. Normally I don’t talk about the things I’m “going to do”. I just do them. But I feel like I need to put them to paper… or Internet as it might be.
In non-stereotypical fashion, I have been seeking a ritual to perform to rid myself of the nasty that was 2011 and I believe I have found the perfect one. The ritual goes like this - on New Years Eve, I will take a white piece of paper and write on it all the things that I want to be rid of from 2011. I will then burn the paper. Bury the ashes. And then pour water over the burial. You may think this sounds a little crazy, but it feels right just to think about it, and it's what I need to do to end this shitty year and start the next one clean.
Other than this ritual, there are other things that need to happen to get 2012 started right. The first is that I need to see a doctor about this ongoing illness that I’ve been slugging through for two weeks now. It started as a horrid flu and has now developed into a persistent, unrelenting sinus infection. Call me crazy but I kind of think it’s important when you’re giving yourself a new start, that you’re able to breathe.
I think I’m finally going to take the leap and move from Blackberry to an iPhone. I have been hesitant to make the switch but I think it’s going to help me manage my life more efficiently in so many different ways. Probably in ways I haven’t even thought of yet.
Once I’m able to actually breathe again, and hopefully will then have more energy than a slug, it’s all stereotypeical resolutions from there. I got brand new runners for Christmas which I plan on putting to the pavement once again. I haven’t been running in two weeks. I’m ready for the fresh air and sweat and runner’s high. I'm considering rejoining a gym.
Of course I’m jumping right back on the Weight Watchers bandwagon as well. I have been eating whatever and whenever I feel. It was fun at first (sorta), but now I just feel disgusted in myself (yet, I can’t/won’t stop myself until next week). I’m ready to start exercising some discipline and control. I’m looking forward to keeping track of things and weighing and measuring what I eat. I know, it sounds like a total bummer but it’s going to be good. It’s going to feel great.
I am going to feel great.