Fitness Failure

I've gotten myself into a bit of a situation and I'm not quite sure how to handle it. 

A few weeks ago I was at an impass with my fitness routine. I had worked myself up to running 5km three times a week but had gotten a little bored with it and therefore a little slack with it.  The running had tapered off a bit and my determination to eat healthy had waned.  I put on a tiny bit of weight (3lbs) but it might as well have been 30lbs for how I felt about it. 

I felt like I wanted to try something different to shake up my routine a bit and reignite my passion for exercise. 

What I had in mind was to maybe try a spinning class.  So one evening when it was too windy to run outside I headed to the gym to run on the treadmill with the intention of asking about the spinning classes they offered.

What happened that evening set the personal trainer debacle in motion and in turn the gym's impressive response to make it right.

I've now had two sessions with the regional fitness manager.  During my initial assessment with her she wanted to know what my goals were. I told her, in all honesty, that I wasn't sure. I said that I'd "recently" lost 33lbs (now 30), that I had a previous goal of being able to run 5km comfortable - which I was doing 3 times a week.  I told her that I was generally happy with myself but that I suppose I wouldn't mind losing another 10lbs and maybe toning up a bit. (Who wouldn't?)  I emphasized I have two toddlers at home which limits my time, energy and ability to give a 100% balls out commitment to a gym routine - which is why I run.  Running is convenient, effective, and I can usually do it right from my front door and be done within 45 minutes max.

She listened and seemed to understand.

My second session with her was killer.  She worked my ass so hard.  I was at the gym for an hour and a half and my body was sore for days afterwards.  She told me during that session that she wants me to do the gym routine 3 times a week and also do 120 minutes of cardio per week. Plus I need to do stretches throughout my day and some floor exercises 5 nights a week at home.  She also mentioned that she wants to set me up on a nutritional plan and that will likely happen in our next session. 

It's a 10 minute drive to the gym.  To drive there, get in and do the hour and a half workout and get home takes 2 hours of my day and when I get home I have NO gas left in the tank.  When I got home from my last workout, I still had to feed and bath and put the kids to bed.  I needed a shower and I needed to eat.  I needed to make lunches for everyone for the next day.

I wanted to die/cry.

So here's my problem.... How do I carve out that sort of time/commitment 2-3 times a week, plus run 3 times a week, plus be a mom to two busy toddlers, plus be a wife, plus take care of my home, plus eat half decent, plus have some tiny shred of enjoyment in my life??  The thought of it is completely overwhelming and disheartening and, quite franky, depressing.

And how would I maintain some sort of stringent nutritional program? I know generally how to eat well (just lost 30lbs).  I don't always eat well but I don't always want to.  And I don't want to feel more guilt than I already do when I eat something that isn't on the "plan".

I HATE making excuses. I HATE being a quitter.  I HATE admitting defeat. 

But the whole thing has added some serious stress in my life and I don't know the best way to handle it. I don't want to be a quitter. But I know this is not manageable for me. 

Admitting that to myself is hard.

How do I handle this with the trainer? I was the one who wrote the letter to Fitness World complaining about my experience there. And they were gracious enough to set me up with the best trainer they had to put me on a fitness routine. For free. With three months free membership.
And I said I wanted to lose 10lbs and tone up. This killer routine would do just that. She's doing what I asked.

I feel like a failure if I admit I can't do it.  I will look like a quitter.  Like a wimp.  Like I don't want to do things that are hard. It's not that, but it will surely look like that. 

I have a fair amount of stress over this and not sure what do to.  I have gotten myself in over my head and not sure how to get out. 

I'd love to hear  your opinions on this.  What would you do?  How would you handle this without looking like a total flake?