A couple of weeks ago my dad was out mowing the yard using the lawn tractor (they have a big yard), when he unknowingly drove over (or near) a rabbit hole. Suddenly there were at least 6 baby bunnies that popped out of the hole, running crazy in a thousand different directions all over the place! They were zigging and zagging and bumping into each other and going this way and that way, ears straight back. Scared as shit and out of their little bunny minds, not knowing what the hell had happened and seeking shelter.
I feel like that's how things have been in my head lately. I was going along, relatively happy and relaxed and laid back and then suddenly something happened in my head and all the little bunnies came out of their hole and went bat shit crazy. My anxiety was through the roof. My thoughts were ridiculous. I felt like I had a million things to think about and worry about and I couldn't get hold of any of them. I even imagined things that "might" or "could" happen and obsessed over them, as if the real stuff wasn't enough. My mouth would open and I would hear the shit that was flying out of it and scold myself for not choosing my words more carefully. I felt like I was talking too much when I should have just been quiet. I wrote emails and forgot to send them and then fretted over why I didn't get a response. I buzzed about things that I normally don't even give second thought to. I tried to write but I'm afraid it came out all wrong since it was hard to nail down one problem and sort it out. I even cried at my desk one day because I felt so guilty for not sending jackets with my kids to daycare even though it was a decent day (what if it got cold!!??).
Add to that, some actual legitimate life difficulties that are out of the norm, and I felt like I was losing control, and my mind.
Stop the bunnies!
This happens to me sometimes and I probably know why. It's probably hormonal. And I should probably expect it. But it seems that every time it happens, I freak out and make mountains out of bunny hills.
And then one day (about a week later) I wake up and it seems that the crazy bunnies have found their way back to their safe little home. They are calm and quiet and safe again. And I feel like I can function normally. Strong and happy, in control and... NORMAL.
In celebration of the bunnies being back in their hole, I'm taking tomorrow off work to get my "house" in order. I'm going to clean up the mess that the bunnies made by going for a 5km run, painting my toenails and doing some light housework (clean house makes Tarable happy and relaxed!) I hope to soak up a little sunshine, maybe take a nap and definitely take some pictures.
The next time the bunnies pop out of their hole, I want to be ready for them...
Disclaimer: No bunnies were harmed in the mowing of the lawn or the making of this blog post.