Rain, Rain, GO AWAY!

When I first moved to the Lower Mainland, I used to get asked by people from  my hometown in Northern BC, "How can you stand all that rain??" Cheekily, I used to respond, "I don't mind it at all! I don't have to shovel rain or scrape it off my windshield." - referring, of course, to the cold, snowy and seemingly forever lasting winters of Northern British Columbia.  Once I remember bragging to my Aunt who lives in Ontario that I had just been out jogging in my t-shirt, in February. 

I may have also be quoted as obnoxiously saying, "I don't mind the rain! I'm not made of sugar, I won't melt!"

It was the truth though, I didn't mind the rain.  After growing up in a place where winter lasted from October to April (and sometimes longer), I was more than content to put up with the rain and maybe one or two snowfalls per year.

To the whiners? Bah, grab an umbrella, a little rain never hurt anyone.

But... In my 9th or so year of living here. I think... I think... I might be getting sick of the God forsaken, heart submerging, soul drowning, life ruining, depression inducing, motherfucking rain. 

For the love of God, make it stop!!!! MERCY, I cry!!! MERCY!!!!

I have been feeling trapped in my house and depressed and sad and mad and frustrated a lot lately.  Yeah, I had the big attitude turnaround last Monday but I fought the blues for the rest of the week.  The asshole weather man reported that the whole week was going to be filled with heavy rain - crushing any hope I may have had for actually leaving my house or even opening my blinds.

I mean, is there anything more disheartening than hearing on Monday that there is NO CHANCE of sunshine for yet another week? 

Put away the sharp knifes and hide mom's bottle of sleeping pills! I am getting depressed! 

And then when the sun DOES make an appearance (however brief), what happens to me?  I am so stricken with panic, feeling immense pressure to make the absolute best of this gift of light and enjoy the day to the fullest - that I end up running around my house in circles, getting nowhere until I am hugging my knees, rocking back and forth on the couch with a big fat anxiety attack. 

You think I'm joking. I'm not.

The pressure was so great when the sun came out - unexpectedly - for a WHOLE DAY last week that I was so excited I made myself sick trying to figure out how to take maximum advantage of it.

I ended up sitting myself down and making a list, with shaking hand, of all the things that I wanted to do while the sun was shining - so that I could make a logical decision without random fleeting thoughts rushing my brain. 

It was quite the experience. 

I don't know if it's because my outings are somewhat limited by two young children and a stroller, if it's because I've been on maternity leave for two of the last two and a half years - spending more time inside my house than I ever have in my life - or if there is actually a lot more darkness and rain this year than the Lower Mainland (and myself) is used to but I really am ready for some sunshine. 

REALLY ready....