There has been a lot of turmoil in my life the past few months. I've been trying to manage it all as best I can but recently it bubbled up and spilled over causing a big ugly mess. A nasty, toxic, horrid mess.
Time to do some housecleaning.
Figuratively and literally.
I went through my closet a few days ago. There were a lot of clothes hanging there that I have not worn in a very long time. Some, over a year. I removed them from my closet, put them in a pile on my bed. There was a beautiful shirt that I bought a few months ago at the Gap. I bought it in XL as that was my size at the time. Since buying it, I've lost some weight and it no longer fits - however I've never had the opportunity to wear it. I regret wasting money on it but keeping it in my closet is not going to do any good. Out of the closet, onto the pile. The jeans I bought that I've been meaning to get shortened that no longer fit nicely. Onto the pile. Into the basement to be sorted through and donated.
Some things sit in your house for so long that you don't even realize that you don't have a need for them anymore. They just become a part of what you see everyday. I'm working on weeding through that stuff. For starters, the nursing pillow that I've been using to cushion Lincoln if he falls backwards. Well Lincoln is big and strong enough now he doesn't need it any more. The bouncy chair that I have sitting in the kitchen for those times when I was cooking dinner and Lincoln wanted to be able to see me? Well he's long surpassed the allowable GVW on that and it's just been stowed under my chopping block. Gone and gone. To my old nemesis, the electric breast pump that's hanging in it's carrying bag in the laundry room? Watch out, you're next.
The new blog that some friends and I started up - Food, Mood, Attitude. I'm deleting it. It's not working out how I had envisioned and I don't have the energy to keep it up - taking pictures of everything I eat and thinking of clever things to write in regards to getting healthy is taking up more time and energy than I'm willing to donate. Ironically, in part of keeping myself mentally healthy, letting this extra bit of thinking and writing go is necessary. Thank you to all who contributed and commented on this little project. I do plan on incorporating some of what I did there into this very blog, here. Getting healthy is part of my life right now and I won't be ashamed to write about it here.
While I have really enjoyed reading The Hunger Games Trilogy, I am now halfway through the final book and I'm really ready to be done with Katniss Everdeen. Enough already. I do need to finish reading this book because I need to know what happens to her and District 13 and Peeta and the fight against the Capital - but once it's done I think I will stay away from teen book series for a while and read some things a little more grown up. I've got my eye on "The Kitchen House" right now.
Cleaning and decluttering my living space opens the door to allow my my mind to be more clear and free to sort through other things. Internal things. There is a LOT in my head that needs to be cleaned and sorted and weeded out right now. The unnecessary thoughts and worries need to be swept out. I need to stop thinking and worrying about things that I can not change. Stop feeling guilty for things I am not responsible for. Let go of negativity.
In doing that I hope to open up a little more to the bit of personal spirituality that I've experienced in the past few months and the positivity that it's brought with it.
I think I'll write a little more too. I received so many positive comments on my last blog post, nudging me to be more open and write more "nakedly" again. I feel encouraged to do just that. And for those who don't approve or don't like what I say - just too bad for you. Start your own blog then and YOU can say whatever YOU like. Stop "spying" on me and judging me or using me for your entertainment.
Hmph. Just writing that makes me feel better