Expansion: A name-changing narrative

We'd just like to tell you that we at the VFA are not only news breakers, we're news makers.

When we heard about the Big expansion, we couldn't believe our ears when Pac-10 commish Larry Scott gave us a call.

VFA: "Hello Larry. How are you?"

LS: "Hi, VFA. We have to say we LOVE your work and we're really at the crossroads of where we want to be right now. With Nebraska scooting across to the Big Ten and Colorado moving to the Pac-10, me and Jim Delaney are having some thoughts."

VFA: "What, that having Colorado actually weakens your on-paper schedule, and you look like the ugly unpopular kid at school that only one person has picked up your eight invitations to their birthday party? And that Nebraska's line about best aligning itself academically is just a joke, when really it's about a TV deal and lots of moolah?"

J&L: "Well, you might say that, but we couldn't possibly comment. Anyway, as you know, I handed the top boys at Texas, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas Tech and Texas A&M invites to the Pac-10, and between you, me, ESPN, SI, Fox Sports, Yahoo, and college football booster and messageboard known to man, we're expecting them to come on board. (Quietly) we don't really want Texas Tech there, but they threatened to lock us in an electrical cupboard at the NCAA meetings if they didn't get an invite. Plus, they run a fun offense - which fits into the 'general lack of defense' we've experienced for years in our league. Baylor might come too, depending on whether they think it's beneath them or not"

VFA: "Soooooo. Thought about the divisions in the conference?"

S: "I did, actually. In the North will be Oregon, Oregon State, Washington, Colorado, Stanford, Cal, Arizona and Arizona State, and in the South will be "Texas, Texas Tech, USC, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State and Texas A&M". We may well put OSU and Tech in the North and put ASU and Colorado in the South, but we want two pretty strong conferences."

VFA: "Dude, that sucks. It'll effectively be an old Pac-10 division and a new Pac-10 division."

Larry: "We understand your concerns, but wait until you think about the new name.... 2-Pac. Gettin' me?"

(Suddenly Jim Dulaney calls)

Jim: "We understand that the Pac-10 is going to rename themselves, and after much thought, we're going to change our name to reflect the addition of Nebraska, a move which will heighten the academic and athletic potential that our conference has to offer."

VFA: "Go on....."

Jim: "Biggie"

VFA: "And how about the Big, er, something.....containing Kansas, Kansas State and Mizzou?"

Jim: "Smalls".

With that the phone conversation  was over.

(Excuse the language)