On the first Thursday of the NCAA season, you won't be able to wear black make-up, start your special teams in a wedge block, or taunt your opponent if you score.
There's no truth to the rumour that from the start of the 2011 season, all college football players will have to have an immaculate high school record, and universities will be fined if a football player misses a team meeting from the death of his grandmother. There's also no truth that every game will now have the NCAA logo with the slogan: "Big Brother Is Watching You", either.
While we can understand the wedge blocking rule - we don't want anyone to get injured or killed out there - the eye make-up? Really? What difference does it truly make? Is it going to change the world?
And don't get me onto the taunting. The VFA was at the Georgia-LSU game in 2010 in Sanford Stadium for one of the biggest piece-of-crap calls in NCAA history, involving AJ Green, a great touchdown catch, and a celebration that was called "taunting". It eventually cost Georgia the game.
First of all, what is considered taunting? Is diving over a defender considered taunting, if the wide receiver is the size of PSU giant receiver Derek Moye and the cornerback could star as 'Grumpy' in Snow White & Seven Dwarves? Is celebrating in an endzone taunting? If so, then every player in college football is dead. Is smiling in the end-zone after scoring? What happens in the last second of the National Championship Game, when you go absolutely crazy to your female cheerleader buddies, only to look up and there's a sea of opposition fans? Is the ref going to blow up the play and cancel out your points? Seriously?
Secondly, how is it going to be reinforced? Which school is going to be made an example of? Will Ohio State get one in the Horseshoe, or Florida in the Swamp? Or will away schools be punished? Let's say Penn State actually scores a touchdown in Tuscaloosa, and celebrates in the end-zone. Can they expect a flag? Or can fans live in fear of their team scoring on an away trip to an SEC school, for fear that 100,000 people will start screaming "flag", knowing full well that the SEC officials - who had one of their worst years on record in 2009 - may well throw that yellow flag and change the game.
Thanks, NCAA, you've taken just a little bit more fun out of a fun game. That's what college football is, right? Fun?
Now, I'm off to practice my moonwalk.