Note to a coworker:

Dear Coworker,

If I send you a message at 12:07pm letting you know that I still don’t have your paperwork which I needed by 8am – please just send the paperwork and get on with your day.

Please do NOT leave me phone messages AND emails telling me that you sent me copies at such-and-such a time and that you don’t know why I don’t have them and to let you know if I still don’t have them and then you’ll resend them.

Look, I don’t give a fark why I don’t have them. Either you didn’t send them or there was some sort of technical glitch or else aliens came down and snatched them up off my desk when my back was turned… the fact of the matter is that I DON'T HAVE THEM AND I NEED THEM. You’re self defence emails and phone calls don’t help me get my job done. I am not your boss, you need not reason with me.

I just need your paperwork.

Please just send it to me and lets both move on with our day, shall we?