Today as I was sitting in the heavenly cool air conditioned climate that is Tim Hortons, sharing my tea biscuit with Ruby, I witnessed one such act of humiliation to womankind. It started when I heard one Tims worker asking another, "What's the hold up here?" And that worker replied, "We're waiting for this person to get to the drive thru window."
I look out the window at the drive thru and there is a big, fancy tow truck - stuck - in the drive thru.
And who is driving it? A woman.
Oh god, I thought. Please just quickly get yourself out of there and move on.
But it wasn't to be so.
This broad was completely useless behind the wheel of this rig. She managed to back up and drive right up on top of a meridian in the drive thru. The back wheel was spinning as she gunned it trying to get out of her predicament, all the while trying to light her cigarette and flicking her hair back and forth over her shoulders.
Lady, put the dart down and pay attention to what you are doing.
A man got out of his car behind her and tried directing her on which way to turn, when to back up, when to stop. It didn't help. She wasn't going anywhere.
By this time the drive thru was backed right up. Everyone inside was staring and talking about her. I was ashamed of her.
Eventually she hopped out of the truck, wearing a black dress, make-up thick enough to rival Tammy Faye, the ciggy hanging from her lips and also she may have been pregnant or she may have had a pretty good beer belly going on. I'm hoping for the latter considering the way she was hauling on that smoke.
After some time, every single car in the drive thru had to back out (and by this time that was quite a few cars). And some man had to come and hop in her truck and back it all the way out of the drive thru for her while she made "eff you!" faces at people who were annoyed with her. (Oh my god I would have been in a murderous rage had I been waiting in that line-up in a vehicle without a/c.)
She, apparently didn't seem to be too embarrassed by the whole thing though. Because after the restaurant was filled with angry people who just waited 20 minutes in the drive thru for their iced cappuccinos and were now getting them from the counter, she waltzed in and ordered herself a drink and then left.
If that were me? I would have driven away as fast and as far as that tow truck could go and I would have probably NEVER gone to another Tim Hortons for as long as I lived. The least she could have done was buy everyone their coffees.
And also - I can't imagine she would be very good at actually towing someone out of a predicament??? Right?
I'm pretty sure that this little escapade just set women back a good ten years.
The Good Bits
The news stuff is great: You can't go wrong with a Sportscenter-style start, where you get the CFB headlines for the day. It's always appreciated.
The clips: It's always nice to see great athletes from the past 'do their thing'. Throwing in the partisan commentary - Boise State's win over Oklahoma still takes some beating, and you can't help but root for every school they follow.
The 'How will they do this year'?:Getting people like Andre Ware to look at a team's schedule and breaking it down is pretty cool. The problem will be when he's picked every team to win/lose one game. At least the VFA has someone else to blame for 2009's BCS screw-up!
The Bad Bits
The clips: It's always nice to see great athletes from the past 'do their thing'. It's nice to see last year's highlights. But when we see Warren Moon running from close range into the end-zone during a Rose Bowl 3 times in 15 minutes - and it was the same play - then it gets on your nerves. Either there are problems in the archiving, or ESPN's peeps are getting lazy. It was the same with the Herschel Walker highlights when ESPN was doing its 'tour of Georgia'.
The 'Sportsnation Poll': I don't mind when people ask about the best player from a certain state. That's fine. But "Was Steve Spurrier's decision to leave Tim Tebow out of the Heisman list deliberate?" I mean, who cares?
* My usually happy-go-lucky, easy-to-please, piece-of-cake baby has been really whiny and cranky and miserable the past month or so. She refuses to eat solids, doesn't like napping anymore and doesn't want to go down to bed at night. She doesn't want to be alone, she doesn't want to be held. It's so frustrating to know something is bothering her but there is nothing I can do to help her.
* After a bit of an "incident" I came to the realization that I had to find Quincy a new home. She would not adjust to having Ruby around and she got pretty nasty with other little kids. The whole thing caused some major grief in this house and some riffs between Steve and I. There were many tears shed. Thankfully Steve's parents decided to take her. We were both so relieved because we know how much they love her and how well she will be cared for. And also we can still see her.
* I was so happy and relieved about the above, that last Tuesday evening I sat down to have a cocktail and ended up having too many cocktails. I was so deathly sick the next day that I begged Steve not to go to work. Apparently I didn't beg hard enough because he went to work and I was left to care for a 7 month old baby and the worse hangover I've had in about 2 years. It totally kicked my feet out from under me and took a few days to recover completely. (Physical hangover lasts about a day. Emotional hangover lasts a few extra days.)
* Because I've had such trouble with Ruby's refusal to nap, I have been letting her nap on my bed. For some reason it's the only place she can have a really good, long nap. Well on Saturday morning I put her down for a nap and she nodded off and I left the room and was gone for about 2 minutes when I heard a THUMP. And then screaming. She scooted herself off my bed (despite the blockade of pillows surrounding her). We have hardwood floors. She got a huge bump on her forehead and a nasty bruise. I was consumed with guilt and felt so bad for my little monkey. It sucked the life out me for the entire day.
* And that was the day that we were to leave on a camping trip. Not a good start to the trip that I was leery of taking in the first place.
* We arrived at our camping destination on Saturday evening when it was pitch black outside and there was a huge thunder/lightening/rain storm. Not exactly prime conditions for setting up a tent. Luckily our friends have a motorhome which they were kind enough to give up for us. Turns out there was no place to even pitch a tent so we used the motor home for the entire 4 days. Even though our friends said they didn't mind, I still felt guilty about it the whole time. I like to be independent and take care of myself.
* I'm just going to go ahead and say it right here and now - camping with a baby is just not my thing. It's hard to not have your regular stuff with you when the baby won't eat/sleep/nap/play like she does at home. It's hard to have to wash bottles a couple times a day when you don't have much water, and even less hot water. It's stressful to worry about your fellow campers when the baby wakes up unexpectedly at 4am and is fussing and you can't get her back to sleep. It's tiring when you don't sleep well because of all of this yet you still have to find a way to function. It's just not a good time for me, it's not relaxing and it would seem that nobody really understands that (although Steve seems to have a better appreciation for it since he helped out quite a bit on this last trip).
* And wouldn't you know it, Ruby cut her first tooth while we were camping. I'm thrilled that we finally got a tooth but the timing couldn't have been worse. This does explain why she's been out of sorts for the past month or more. I knew it was coming, it just took a really long time.
* Currently we are in the middle of a scorching heat wave - with no end in sight. The inside of my house is so hot, I cannot stand it. I don't do well in the heat and really don't care for any extended period of heat to this degree. I find it really hard to function.
* In an effort to regain some normalcy in my life, I got up this morning and took Ruby on a super long walk. I didn't wake up early enough to jog but I wanted to get out and get some exercise before it got ridiculous hot outside. (It was scorching at 7:20am though). I am now catching up on laundry, preparing some healthy meals (ate like shit while camping), drinking lots of water to stay (get) hydrated. AND... BLOGGING.
This isn't really the kind of post that I normally like to write, but I needed to get it out and to write something to get my bloggy mojo going again.
To be fair, there's a lack of a good - and by that we mean inventive - chanting.
IN THE POSITIVE
College football chants are pretty samey. Fans spell out the first letters of their school (P-S-U) or their state (O-H-I-O) (we're only glad fans in Mississippi or Pennsylvania don't do that, or we would be here all night!), or they sing the odd song to taunt their opponents once they've beaten them (try Rammer Jammer!), but we don't here anything witty.
Personally, I'd love to hear the PSU student section strike up: "Darryl Clark, My Lord, Darryl Clark....Darryl Clark, My Lord, Darryl Clark" (to the tune of Kum bay ya) in honour of the quarterback.
Or: "We're here, we're there, we're every ****ing where PSU" - it works on the football terraces, why not at Beaver Stadium?
IN THE NEGATIVE
How often do you go to a Yankee game and hear the fans chanting "Derek Jeter", without the opposition fans yelling: "....is a [add name of genetalia here]"? Never!
College football has to be the worst. When a quarterback throws an interception, why isn't the crowd immediately on his back, cheering ironically when the quarterback actually hits his own receiver, and then cheering wildly when the ball goes for an incompletion/his receiver drops it/he trips over/he gets pulled from the game.
I realise that some quarterbacks didn't need pressure - Jarrett Lee, starter at LSU before he was pulled for, well, someone better, didn't need pressure of opposition fans chanting "Jaaaareeeettt! Jaaaareeeettt! Jaaaareeeettt!" - he managed it quite nicely, thank you very much.
And unlike college basketball players, where fans use every bit of invention to put off a scorer, college football student sections are really rather tame. Is that because the teams are on the sidelines and no-one's witty enough in the alums section to come up with something?
And when your teams winning, why NOT ask them the score - "Michigan? What's the score? Michigan, Michigan what's the score?" After all, it's an important question to ask....
Oh, and the funny bit?
We'd like to see Beaver Stadium do this if Penn State beat Ohio State: "You can stick that sweater up your ***! You can stick that sweater up your ***! You can stick that sweater, stick that sweater, stick that sweater up your ***!"
Or alternatively delve into a little bit of Michael Jackson when they are taunting a team or an opposing player.
"You suck, you suck, you know it, you suck!"
But nothing says classy like thirsty Wisconsin fans:
There's no great problem looking like a tool wearing your school colours and performing a mass college football version of YMCA (ever seen the spelling out of O-H-I-O at Buckeyes games?), but your chants have got to fun.
Penn State: "Let's Go P-S-U", with tapping of metal as a drumbeat. The Whiteouts - in which the student section and (sometimes) the stadium are extra special too.
Michigan: "It's great to be a Michigan Wolverine". It's pretty awesome - particularly if you're on the road.
LSU: "You suck" - Especially when the South Carolina Gamecocks are playing.
Alabama: "Rammer Jammer". Auburn's version AT Alabama when they beat them to go 6-0 was actually amusing, too.
Tennessee: "Rocky Top" - Not technically a chant, but it's repeated so often you'll have it in your head as much as any fight song or chant.
Texas A&M: "Saw Varsity's Horns Off" - Singing, swaying, screaming. Makes hatred sound good. And Aggies fans have got a better reputation for chanting than they do football.
Oregon: Not so much chanting, but the insane noise. Headaches away.....
Wisconsin: Who doesn't love jump around, starring 25,000 white kids wearing red?
Florida: Might be loud, but the Gator chomp doesn't really do it for me.
Texas: Nor does the singing of "The Eyes of Texas". Cool shirts, though.
Georgia: Should have made "The ugly", because of the growling and barking - by human. But UGA, who's known to bite opposition players, gets a big vote. Thank God LSU hasn't put the Tiger on the loose, eh?
Oklahoma: "Boomer Sooner". Boomer! Sooner! Wow! Who cares?
Ohio State: "O-H-I-O" (fans). The band is pretty damned cool, though. So's "We don't give a damn about Michigan".
The Plain Bad
Arkansas: "Pig Soieee". Oh, dear God. Even worse when your new coach "calls the hogs" in a press conference.
University of Pennsylvania: Throwing toast. Sad that your team hasn't thrown a hit in a while.
If they don't have a chant, and they just love singing the 'Alma Mater' instead, they shouldn't be your club. After all, you didn't go to the school. Why sing the Alma Mater? (The VFA tends to at college football games when the home team is singing their school song. That, and we generally hate the tune and lyrics).
Here are some classics for you:
'Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer'
'Let's go P-S-U' (As seen in Paternoville)
And how could we forget "Jump Around" (comes in at 30 secs)
Oh, and here's a list of the VFA's 'must-attend list' - we haven't been to them all:
We got talking, and soon the barbs between my buddy (a Georgia fan) and this Volunteers man started flowing.
I asked him why he was a Tennessee Volunteers fan.
"My wife went to school there," he said, before disclosing the information that he was a University of Ohio grad.
We stopped. We didn't know what to say. Nor did his buddies.
But now it's all sunk in. He disobeyed one of the big rules of college football: don't just root for a team because your spouse went there. And especially as YOUR alma mater is a Division I-A school (albeit not that good!).
"Parents great, big brother OK, little brother weak, extended family fine, spouse terrible".
If your father roots for a team, then the team is in the bloodlines. You can always root for his team's greatest rival just to piss him off, though, which many sons do. And if your dad - like mine - couldn't give two craps about rooting for sports teams - then look to that father figure of the family: the big brother. After all, after he spends most of your life beating the crap through you, he'll probably want you to go for the same team. We at the VFA like to call it family bonding. But never, under any circumstances, should you follow your little brother's lead. It's not called family bonding, it's called guilt. No way, never, nope.
And for spouses, it's all about taking pride in oneself. The one thing for certain about 'Tennessee shirt guy' is that he has no pride - in his own school or perhaps himself. I mean, who would choose his spouse's school over his own? After all, alma maters come first, right?
That's why you shouldn't go anywhere near your spouse's school. But it's OK to root for their biggest rivals just to really, really annoy them. Won't improve your sex life, though.
Speaking of rivalries- Imagine that the dad you hated was a Michigan fan.
And your wife rooted for Ohio State.
You see, now you're thinking. Remember the mantra: "Parents great, big brother OK, little brother weak, extended family fine, spouse terrible".
It's wide-open spaces, blue sky thinking, magazines like Wired on a park bench sipping cappucino and thinking about the next 20 years.
For some teams, problems are more immediate. And you - the fan who's choosing his or her college football team for the rest of their lives - it's more pressing than that.
You see, the present might suck at the moment. Try being a Notre Dame or Michigan fan. Both teams sucked in their own little way last season. Notre Dame, with high hopes, lost to Syracuse.....at home. Michigan lost to Toledo, and eight other teams en route to a 3-9 record.
But the future, if you can get over that bank of black cloud, will be pretty rosy for both teams. Both will invariably battle for a title and be highly-ranked for more years than they aren't.
If you're thinking of rooting for Penn State (and quite frankly, the more the merrier!) you'd have to ask: How long is Joe Paterno going to be around? Is there a succession story in place?
If you're a Texas fan you'd ask how long they can keep paying defensive co-ordinators millions of dollars for MAYBE the chance to lead the team?
If you're thinking about Notre Dame call a priest and ask him how he envisages the school after the Charlie Weis era ends.
And if you're thinking about supporting Ole Miss because you saw that they had a good year and could contend in 2009, think about the school when Ed Orgeron's class has all left. What then? Can Houston Nutt recruit?
You see, you've got to think about it. Because the bottom line: you can't root for a college football team half-assed. You can't walk into the bar and say: "I like Ohio State, but really I'm a fairweather fan who'd like to sit on the fence today because my team's not doing so well this year." In the words of The Lord: "Dude, that sucks".
Like we told you last time - root for history - but also think about the crystal ball.
Here's some music to help you on your way:
It is, however, OK to root for history.
Penn State has a rich history of tradition that became then sucked during the early 2000s, until Michael Robinson and a brave group of wide receivers rescued the program to 2005 (Favourite fan expression:"Our wide receivers love to go balls deep"). PSU hasn't really looked back since, clocking back-to-back-to-back-to-back bowl appearances, including two in the BCS (one win, one loss). Joe Paterno is admired throughout the country.
USC's history is deep. It lifted the National Title in 2003 and 2004 and came darned close in 2005. Texas won in 2005 after consistently losing to Oklahoma, and Michigan and Ohio State have also won. Miami - who haven't been good in years - won in 2000, and there have been wins for Nebraska, Florida State, LSU (twice), Florida (twice), Tennessee, Notre Dame and Alabama.
But the one thing about history is for crying out loud make sure a team has won a National Championship in your lifetime.
In other words, if you're 25 and reading this article and needing a spot of advice, then only look at the winners of the last 25 National Championship Game for some guidance. The last thing we'd want you to do is walk around New York City in a Notre Dame shirt and yell at pedestrians about the greatness of Knute Rockne. It's awful form to be boasting about coaches who finished coaching - or died - before you were born. Oh, and you might well get your ass kicked (unless of course you're in New York's Catholic district (more about that later in the week).
But the second is almost as important - don't root for a team that's going to cause you years of mindless misery - or in other words: Don't root for the loser.
Duke Football is NOT Duke basketball: It sucks (although Duke basketball's NCAA appearances haven't been anything to talk about recently, either!).
Washington State and the University of Washington? A combined 1 win all of the 2007 season. Nice.
You'd think we'd put Texas A&M, Nebraska, Notre Dame and Michigan on that list because of recent suckage, but you'd be wrong: these teams are long in the tooth on football tradition, and they don't suck ALL the time..... just recently.
Oh, and Stanford's victory over USC doesn't mean that they are great - because they really haven't been good since John Elway graced the Northern Californian turf.
And because certain teams suck ass, their fanbase simply isn't passionate. Away fans outnumber the home fans. The student section prefers to sit outside drinking beer than actually attending the game, and those in the game feel jealous of Joe Frat Boy having a kegger at Kappa Alpha rather than being at the game. Oh, and the PR guy can't get back to the media because he's on the phonecall to the suicide hotline, swearing to someone at the other end of the phone that if there's wasn't a damned recession, he'd be taking a sabbatical for football season.
There might be glimpses of hope.
Coaches swear that this year, they will turn around a program.
But that's a lie. The University that Sucks will still be in the shadow of most other teams in college football. And you know that that the athletic directors - despite jawing about their 'commitment' to a school because of its 'rich tapestry' (of sucking) don't really care whether the team's coach wins or loses. And with the lack of backing and the lacking of winning, the fanbase gets easily fed up and Joe Coach becomes Joe Jobless.
It's OK to root for a historically inept school against your designated team of hatred. I root for Indiana Football when the Hoosiers play Michigan or Ohio State. Everyone in the SEC roots for Vanderbilt against Tennessee, Florida and LSU.
But don't do it all the time. Because although one speck of glory will be able to shine that turd of misery, it'll still be a turd of misery.
And believe me, you don't want that.
LSU fans say it best:
Remember, don't go for the winner, don't go for the loser.
So up to now, we've ruled out Florida, Washington, Washington State and Duke. There's still time....
Steve: How many did you buy?
Steve: *laughing* Where are they?
Tara: Never mind. You'll never find them. They're with my stash. I have a stash you know...
Steve: So they're with the potato chips in the hall closet?
Although I have been faithfully jogging every morning, five days a week - I have also been following Weight Watchers fairly closely... five days a week. Which leaves two days a week that I've kind of been having "freebie" days. And while that's ok once in a while, it's become too much of a habit for me lately. I mean, come Saturday / Sunday (occasionally Friday night and/or Monday) I don't really even try.
Wednesday marks the first day of a new WW week for me - which means it's also weigh in day. I either lost 0.8lbs this week or I gained 0.2lbs (depending on where I stand on my scales - I need new ones.). 0.8 would be an ok loss, but I could do better.
So I once again laced up my running shoes at 6:55am this morning and went for my morning jog. I then had scrambled egg whites for breakfast, and a chicken & cucumber sandwich (on WW bread) for lunch. After lunch I got kind of bored so I decided to burn extra calories and walk to the veterinarians office and pick up a bag of dog food. On the way back, we swung into the Shoppers Drug Mart to get some soap. Upon getting to the checkout, I encountered a sign that said:
All Chocolate Bars .50 cents. NO LIMITS!!
And so, I am now the proud new owner of this:
Why I needed to buy EIGHT of them, I'm not too sure.
I suppose I'll add them to my *stash of potato chips (which were on sale last week).
*Steve is unaware that I have any sort of stash -which is why I still have a stash at all. Therefore: This message will self destruct!
Even if you feel kind of annoyed with certain stuff and you just don't feel like writing - you should still write SOMETHING, any little thing - so that you don't have to keep staring at that god awful picture of yourself with the ugliest haircut you've ever had.
And this should do just that.
Nope. Wait. I can still see the top of Steve's head and his squinting eyes - also irritating to look at every single day.
Now THIS should be good enough.
Wednesday was also Canada Day.
Ruby was excited to celebrate her 1st Canada Day:
And then Thursday was our 5 year wedding anniversary. I had fully intended on doing an "anniversary" post yesterday, but I was too busy trying to pretend I wasn't hungover after I celebrated Canada Day just a little too "enthusiastically" on Wednesday evening. (Note to self: Fireball shooters are not for women who have to get up at 6am with a 6 month old baby.)
(Also note to self: Stop at ONE shooter, not three).However, I did manage to get my wedding album out yesterday and reminisce a little. Here's a couple wedding pictures for your interest:
I must say that I may not look like I did 5 years ago - I wear more wrinkles around my eyes and more pounds around my waist - but I am a million times happier and more settled and confident and content than I could have ever pretended to be back then. I love myself (except when I have too many Fireball shots) and I love my husband and I love the life we've worked SO HARD to create. I wouldn't trade my extra pounds or new wrinkles for any other life.