Wayward

I feel the need to come clean about something...

I went and wrote that last post about how la-tee-dah wonderful Weight Watchers has been and how I've lost X amount of weight so far and I blathered on about all my "tips" for following Weight Watchers while being a busy mom and I'm sure you all felt so inspired by me (sure you did) and you probably went out and bought a Weight Watchers subscription if you didn't already have one.

But then after I wrote that post, I kind of... waned. And I will do that from time to time (I think it helps me to continue) but this time I thought about throwing in the towel completely. I don't know if it was the 10 points that I had to cut off my day when I stopped nursing two weeks ago, or the fact that I started jogging every morning before Steve goes to work (or perhaps a combo of the two plus a few other factors) but dudes, I hit the wall. And I hit it HARD.

My energy last week was next to zero. And I was miserable. I was HUNGRY. And the measly 23 points that I get to eat in each day was NOT cutting it. Not at all. And I was so tired - all day long. I just wanted to not worry about stupid Weight Watchers. I just wanted to eat potato chips and drink beer on my deck with reckless abandon.

And so I kind of just let it go for a little while. The determination, that is. I just couldn't pull it off. So while I didn't go hog wild and make a pig of myself, I did eat a big steak and a giant fluffy, cheesy stuffed potato. I ate those potato chips I was wanting, and yes I drank my beer without counting (2 points, 2 points, 2 points). I may have consumed a few other odds and delicious ends as well. And I didn't feel bad about it. I felt like I needed it!

Then I started thinking that maybe I should "save money" and cancel my online subscription and just do the plan "on my own". I mean, if anyone knows the plan inside and out it's me. Why do I need to pay for the online program? So I signed into my account yesterday to cancel the whole thing, and what did I find? That I was a couple days too late, my subscription was auto-renewed for another month, just three days ago.

If there is anything I hate (besides being fat), it's wasting money. Especially when money is tight (like when on maternity leave). So.... *deep breath* this means that I need to give myself a pep talk, go out and get some good groceries, and get recharged and re-inspired and commit to fighting this fight wholeheartedly for at least one more month.

Not sure if this was a sign from Fate that I need to keep on keeping on - but that's kind of how I look at things. So I'm glad I had my potato chips and beer and steak and fluffy, cheesy stuffed potato (and the McDonalds cheeseburger and fries - THERE I SAID IT!!), because now I can start fresh - hopefully with minimal damage on the scales and maybe lose a few more pound before I fall off the wagon reassess the situation again next month.