I am not a circus freak

I am 5"2 and 9 months pregnant. Really, really pregnant.

It has become really hard to find any clothing to wear outside of my house that actually covers my entire belly. Here's a little fact that you maybe didn't know: maternity clothes are not made for normal women for an entire pregnancy. They are made for small asian women for the duration of their pregnancy or they are made for the rest of us for up to about 7, 7/12 months of pregnancy. I currently own one, ONE shirt that I can wear outside of my home that covers my entire belly. And one pair of pants that I can wear in public.

I have also developed a "disorder" called SPD - which is very painful and uncomfortable and makes it difficult to do everyday things like... WALK. Get in and out of bed. Turn over in bed. Get in and out of a car. Basically anything that involves moving my lower body.

So besides the 9 month pregnancy waddle, I also hobble and limp a bit when I walk, and I take small slow steps. I'm really uncomfortable. And yes, I'm a little self conscious.

If you could put yourself in my shoes for a few minutes, you would realize that going out in public isn't really a lot of fun these days - just for these reasons alone.

So here's something that adds to my displeasure of being in public right now - people STARE.

Yes they do.

They don't just notice my belly and then look away, they openly gawk. They do a double take even, when they see me!

I don't get it. And I don't like it. It's fucking rude, and it's ridiculous that grown adults do this.

Now, I am fairly used to being stared at, or even getting the odd double take - because of my sleeve tattoo. People glance at it, look at me, some do a double take. Some people gawk. And I have gotten used to it and I usually just ignore it. I do understand that a 5"2 woman with a sleeve is not your everyday flavour. And with my normal, everyday appearance, it can be shocking to some people. (Yes, even in today's day and age, go figure). (I also know that people aren't staring at me because of my tattoo these days because my one and only out-in-public-shirt is long sleeved.)

But women are pregnant all the time. There are pregnant women EVERYWHERE! It's a normal, everyday occurrence! It's not odd, nor is it unusual to see a woman with a swollen belly.

So why then? Why do people do this???

Oh and I'm not talking about the odd person who sees my belly and smiles at me. No, that I could handle. I'm talking about your average men and women in society who should know better, and who look at me like I just finished my shift at the circus but forgot to take off my sequined body suit and my purple wig and I am walking around with the Wolf Boys in tow.

Steve and I went out to run errands yesterday and we went to no less than 5 or 6 stores. And in each and every store, people would see me and stare. Some people would turn around and whisper to each other and point. Yes, even point! People don't even bother to try to hide that they're staring at me. Or glance and then look away. No, they just openly gawk - with no consideration about the person's feelings (or possible temper) that they are staring at.

So at our last stop yesterday - the grocery store, as we were standing at the till while we paid and the grocery bagger bagged our groceries, I was irritated with the bagger (a young woman in her 20's) for continually looking at me. But when I walked around from behind the counter and she stopped, turned around and did a double take looking at my belly and then casually turned back around to the till again after getting her fill of shamelessly staring at me - I stopped. I stood behind her and looked at her stupid head and pulled back my arm... I realized that I was about to smack the back of her head when I saw the look of horror on Steve's face as he realized that I was about to clobber this broad. Luckily this brief eye contact with him brought me back down to a reasonable level of pissedoffedness so that I could control myself and not cause a scene in Safeway.

Today I think I will look into a grocery delivery service so I don't have to leave the house anymore.


Please don't leave a comment that tells me how wonderful and miraculous pregnancy is and that I should be proud of my belly. I know all that. I am proud and happy and ever so thankful for my pregnancy. However, the miraculousness of it all started to wear off a few weeks ago. And that doesn't expunge the fact that people are so inconsiderate and rude. And also because I've now heard this comment 358 times.

And please don't tell me that I only have a little while longer to go so I should enjoy every last minute of it - because the last week (or weeks) of pregnancy are the longest and most difficult of all, particularly with a disorder that makes the smallest of movements painful. And also because I've now heard this comment about 427 times.

Bitter, snarky, commiserating comments only please.

I am trying to keep my sense of humor through all of this but it is waning.