Resolution? Give me a break

I am mean, cruel, relentless and unforgiving - to myself.

I am my biggest critic. I am my own biggest enemy. I beat myself up. I say mean things to myself. I hold myself to ridiculously high standards that no human could live up to. When I fail or make mistakes, I remind myself of those failures and mistakes over and over again - playing them in my mind repeatedly, torturously. I am never good enough, for me. I don't allow myself to ask for help when I need it, instead I force myself to struggle on my own. I tell myself that I don't deserve it when good things happen to me. I make myself feel guilty inside about everything.

Everything.

If a parent treated a child this way, it would be child abuse. If a husband treated his wife this way, it would be spousal abuse. But because I do it to myself, it is ok.

But it's not ok anymore. I'm tired of it. I would never allow anyone else treat me like this, nor would I ever treat another human in this manner.

My resolution for 2008 is to take better care of my mental health. I'm going to be nicer to myself. I'm going to give myself a break. I'm going to treat myself better. I'm going to be less cruel to me. In fact I resolve to actually start being NICE... to me.