When I got home from work yesterday I was tired and cranky. And hungry. I didn't feel well. I was irritated by everything. I had a bit of a headache, I had an achy tummy and back. My eyes were heavy and dry. I felt miserable. And for the record this was not from the flu, a cold or even a hangover. It was just something that happens to me... periodically.
So I was faced with making a decision. Should I throw on the workout gear and force myself to go for a jog? Or should I just lay on the couch and take it easy. Remember, I am trying to be nicer to myself this year so I wanted to make sure I did what would make me feel better. Of course right away we think that obviously laying on the couch would make me feel better - but exercise makes me feel good too. And I couldn't decide if maybe a blast of fresh air and some physical exertion might be just what the doctor ordered.
While I was deciding on what I should do, I lay down on the couch. And time started ticking and I did not get up off the couch. And then it was too late to go out for a jog anyways - so my decision ended up being to relax on the couch.
So then I started thinking about it. Did I do the right thing? Should I have gone for a jog? Probably, I probably should have gone for a jog. I'm such an ass for not going for a jog. How lazy of me! I didn't get out for exercise yesterday either. That's two days in a row. I need to smarten up and start making some better choices.
And then I realized something. I was doing it again. Beating myself up. Being mean to me.
After more thought I realized this: being nice to myself is not about whether I decide to go for a jog or lay on the couch when I'm not feeling well. It's about making a decision to do one or the other and then BEING OK with that decision, and letting it go. I chose to relax on the couch because that is what felt best for me at the time. I made the decision to rest. End of story. End of thinking about it. End of re-thinking about it.
End of being mean to me.