Turns out, I was right after all

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care. The kitchen bar is decorated with fake tree boughs, cranberries and lights. I have a champaigne glass filled with candy canes sitting on my bar, a glass bowl of silver balls, two tall santa ornaments and snowman candle all on display in my house. I've got a t-shirt with a Christmasy joke on the front of it (Be naughty, save Santa the trip). I even took a couple of days vacation to allow myself the extra time for the holidays.

And so I was happily (or so I thought) running around, buying gifts for everyone on my list when I turned a corner and who did I run into? Well it was none other than Depression! Hello there Depression, my old nemesis. How are you? What brings you here?? Oh and look! I see you're here complete with Teary Eyes, Sulking in the Dark, Heavy Heart and even Nightmares as an added bonus! Well that's just fantastic!

I can't help but feel that my attempt at forcing myself to enjoy Christmas this year has been misconstrued as genuine enjoyment of the season. And maybe that has caused me to be somewhat taken advantage of.

I've had to spend all my money and buy all the gifts this year. I've had to do all the shopping. All of it. Including some of the shopping for my own gifts since Steve is not the greatest at getting out and doing that sort of thing. And if I don't do it I may be dissapointed on Christmas morning. Oh I know it's not all about that, but sometimes it is.

We had guests over the other night to watch the hockey game. We paid for the game. I made and supplied all the food, and we supplied the booze - unintentionally. We told them to BYOB but but they didn't - even though there is a cold beer and wine store just steps from my house. Then they invited another person - who also didn't bring any booze and who also drank whatever was in our fridge. And then when our booze ran out, the boys went and bought more and paid for it with the $50 that I had earned on my spare time for Christmas money.

I have spoiled everyone on my list. Made sure to get everyone something that I know they will love. Also Steve's stocking is overflowing with goodies. But he asked me the other day if he really needs to fill my stocking because he has already spent his money...?

*sigh*

I'm finding it hard to stay on the diet track as well. I mean really, what the fuck do these Weight Watchers people expect? They drive it home to you that you NEED to keep up the diet over the holidays and you NEED to keep up the exercise and you NEED to keep attending the meetings - even if your regular meetings are cancelled (as are MOST of the meetings) for the next two weeks - they want you to drag your sorry ass in to some god awful 8am Saturday morning meeting! They even send out email reminders!!! COME ON!!! There is enough pressure on me to just stay fucking sane and not go on a big binge. I can only take so much! On the other hand, I DO NOT want to gain any weight over the season. I don't like Christmas enough to make it ok for me to gain weight. I'm fucking tormented with this!

And now as I contemplate going outside for a jog, I peek through the blinds to see that I'm in the middle of a snow storm. So much for that.

So there you have it. I tried and it didn't work out for me. Backfired on me actually. Christmas is just not for me.


Don't worry though, for anyone who sees me over the next few days, I'm not going to drag you all down with me. I'll paste a smile on my face and go through the motions and none of you will need to be any the wiser. Just carry on your merry little way.