Steve and I were driving down the freeway this weekend (he driving, me in the passenger seat) when a green van swerved into our lane unannounced, almost cutting us off/ causing a collision/ running us off the road. Steve managed to swerve out of his path. We then accelerated past the van and we both looked over at the driver.
“Awww… it’s an old man” I said, feeling pity for him.
“An old pervert.” said Steve.
“Why a pervert?”
“He just looks creepy”
I didn’t think anything more of it. Until he took the same exit as us and pulled up two lanes over at the next stop light. I glanced over at him to see him shaking his head vehemently and also apparently yelling something very colorful at me. Oh and I think he was waving his middle finger around too.
Naturally I needed to roll down my window to find out just what the old chap had to say.
Tarable: Are you talking to me??
Creepy Old Man: YOU’RE A FUCKING BITCH!!!!!
Now, usually I am a fucking bitch but this time I really hadn’t done anything to warrant such a label. I had even felt sorry for this man not 2 minutes earlier. However, I did find the situation entertaining and so I engaged further in the “conversation”.
Tarable: I’M a fucking bitch??
C.O.M.: YEAH! YOU’RE A FUCKING BITCH!!!
Tarable: Am I a fucking bitch because you drove into our lane and almost ran us off the road? Is that what makes me a fucking bitch??
At this point, the red light turned green and we were in the lane to turn, he was in the lane to go straight. Clearly Steve was also entertained by the situation because he changed lanes and drove along the street beside the Creepy Old Man while he continued to scream obscenitities at me.
C.O.M: YOU FUCKING BITCH, YOU’RE GOING TO GET IT!!!
Tarable: And how am I going to get it? Exactly what is going to happen to me?
C.O.M.: HE’S GOING TO GET YOU!!!
Tarable: Who is HE?
C.O.M.: HIM!!!! HE’S GOING TO GET YOU!!!
Tarable: Well I need to know who HE is so I can watch out for HIM. Especially if HE'S going to get me.
C.O.M: HE’S GOING TO MAKE YOU SORRY. HE’S GOING TO GET YOU!!!
Tarable: Yeah, you've told me that. But who is HE?
C.O.M: THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE BESIDE YOU! HE’S GOING TO GET YOU!!!
So Steve is going to "get me" because a crazy old man almost ran us off the road which in turn made me a fucking bitch. Right. Of course.
That's completely logical.
At this point Steve and I both burst out laughing. He told me to wave goodbye to the Creepy Old Man and we drove off.
After the laughter died down: