I was having a good day. A good couple of days actually. My mood was cheery and positive. I felt relaxed and happy and at peace with myself. But then I found out this afternoon that I made a mistake at work - or to be more specific, I made a mistake on someone's pay cheque. And right away my mood came crashing down. Immediately I felt panic and I had an anxiety attack. A knot materialized in the pit of my stomach. No longer relaxed, I felt terrible inside and it wasn't long before a tension headache crept it's way up my tense shoulders and into my temples.
Now, you might think I had done some terrible, irreversable, illegal, life threatening mistake on this person's pay, when the truth of the matter is that the mistake is not anything more than a mere oversight by myself (who is extremely overworked) and an slight inconvenience to the employee (who was not upset in the least). In fact, the error will be rectified by tomorrow.
So what's the problem? I can't let it go. I HATE making mistakes. Granted, nobody LIKES making mistakes, but I really have a hard time accepting that I have made a mistake and moving on. I will beat myself up terribly for this. I will worry about it. It will ruin my mood for days. I will lose any confidence that I have built up in my work. I imagine that people will say that I'm stupid or slack or incompetent. I worry that they will think less of me as a professional. There is a good chance however, that it is probably mostly just me that thinks and says these things.
I know that I am only human and that humans make mistakes. I know I'm not perfect. *gasp* I know that I do a great job at work 98% of the time. But the voice that beats me up is louder than the voice that encourages me.
Why do I feel so guilty? How do I not let this bother me? How can I let it go and move on and get my relaxed and cheery mood back? I would never treat someone else this way if they made such an error - so why do I do it to myself?
Perhaps it's time for some therapy.