Snap out of it, dammit!!

Come on. Quit being such a miserable bitch. Stop sulking around and feeling sorry for yourself. Pull up your socks for God sake! You’ve been here before, you know it will pass.

So your job sucks and it completely drains you each and every day. Get working on your resume then! You know damn well that things aren’t going to get any better. Sure you work close to home and your hours are somewhat flexible. Sure you’ve got a pension and benefits. And yes, I know that the devil you know is sometime better than the devil you don’t. But you know you’re being treated poorly and you know you're not being paid enough. There are other jobs out there! Good jobs. GREAT jobs. Certainly jobs that are better than what you’re dealing with now. You're a great employee and any company would be lucky to have you work for them. But you’ll never get anything better if you don’t at least apply!

I know you are feeling a bit down because you’re not losing weight as fast as you would like. Just stop that right now. You have lost 8.6 lbs so far and you should be proud of that. You are working so hard at it and that should make you feel good about yourself. You are making some very positive and healthy changes – even if it doesn’t show on the scale as much as you would like. And at least it is coming off – and at a steady rate I might add. Just keep it up. Before you know it you will have lost 20lbs and then maybe 30lbs and then maybe more. But your shitty mood is not going to do anything to get you there and you know that.

Yes, it is extremely difficult that you and Steve are struggling with infertility. I know how badly you two want to be parents. And right now it is eating away at you. You’ve been very good at blocking it out lately, I must say. But things happen, things come up, conversations go a certain way, you see a cute baby, people say certain things and then you’re left thinking about it again. There’s really nothing that I or anyone else can say to make this easier – or at least if there is, you haven’t heard it yet. I know that nobody truly understands how difficult it is for you. It’s a very scary and traumatic part of your life. Just don’t forget that no matter how this part of your life turns out, you and Steve are very strong together and love each other very much. You have a fantastic relationship and you have a lot of fun together. That is more than a lot of people have. Take comfort in each other. Take care of each other.

As for you feeling bored with life right now, you do know that that goes hand in hand with feeling depressed right? But maybe you should think about taking up some sort of hobby? I don't know what but maybe you should poke around and find something that you like doing. You've been reading alot lately and that's good but it's not cutting it for you is it? Well, you used to cross stitch, what about picking that up again? I know, I know it's pretty geeky. Well maybe there's something else out there that you could try? And don't forget that hockey season is starting up again. That always occupies a good chunk of your social life, doesn't it? And it's going to be great to watch on your new fancy TV and sound system.

And stop worrying about things that are out of your control. And in no way am I referring to the above paragraph because that would just be totally insensitive. I'm talking about the day to day things in your life. Remember: “Worrying is the equivalent of trying to solve a math equation by chewing bubble gum”. It’s useless. Worry is a wasted emotion.

You know that you will get in these "moods" periodically in your life. You of all people know that you have to at least try when you get feeling like this. A lot of people don't get it and they just see you as the miserable, bitter, absolute bitch that you can become - without realizing, or thinking about the turmoil you are fighting on the inside.

You are a wonderful person. You’re pretty and funny and smart and you have a lot going for you. Try to concentrate more on those things, ok? Now I hope you take at least some of what I’ve said to you and think about it and work on it and feel better soon.